April 08 +Graham Writing encouraging letters

This is the saying of Cumbria’s last squire parson, Gervase Markham, who died after Christmas at Morland House at the age of 97. It is a word of great wisdom and one which Gervase lived up to himself. In the last few years of his long life he made a rule to write a letter of appreciation, support or sympathy every day. As a result he left in people’s hands hundreds of letters which had brought encouragement and were treasured by those who received them.

Most people like receiving letters. In our household there is even competition for getting to the post first! Then there is anticipation in opening what looks like a personal letter. If we recognise the writing we will feel a surge of joy at hearing news from someone whose friendship we value. If the letter says something positive and encouraging about us we may read it several times and keep it for a long time. We all need plenty of personal affirmation and a letter is a very good way of offering it to others. A letter has a sense of permanence about it and its message can be checked again and again in a way that is not possible with conversation. If everyone reading this article were to consider writing more warm and appreciative letters, then, who knows -hundreds of people might be encouraged.  

By contrast, the writing of a critical letter, can be very damaging, especially if it is to someone we know. To open it and read it may bring an acute sense of pain and shock; we cannot see the writer’s face and the commitment of love. There is no possibility of immediate dialogue which might help the pain and give a greater understanding. In fact, to send a critical letter to someone we know well, when the opportunity is there for a face to face meeting, is a hurtful and cowardly way of passing on criticism. It is not godly. We should arrange to meet face to face and then the smile and the love accompanying the criticism can be clearly seen. Potential misunderstanding can be sorted out quickly, and if there is anger behind the criticism, then that is also better conveyed in person.

As a bishop I expect to receive and do receive some critical letters. Rather than reply to the substance of the criticism in writing, I will often invite the sender to come and talk. Then a relationship can be built and the criticism can be put in its proper context. Many critical letters are written in the heat of the moment, so if the criticism is exaggerated, then it can be corrected. If it is made from ignorance of the full facts, maybe they can be shared.

So, as general rule, if there is a need to say something critical, let it be said face to face. But the writing of letters of encouragement is a very Christian ministry.