Bishop's letters: August 03 +Graham Why Marriage is So Important

Societies all over the world celebrate marriage as normal and fundamental to the stability of the community. It is no surprise, therefore, that the Christian Bible describes marriage as given by God in his creation to all human beings throughout the world.

'a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh'. (Gen 2.24)

In the Genesis story men and women are presented as complementary to each other at a fundamental level in the order of creation. Then there is a definite act of leaving one's family and being joined to the complementary partner. The union is completed by its sign and exclusive symbol, that is, sexual union ('one flesh'). In most societies and in most religions, marriage and its sign are carefully guarded and boundaries preserved.

We live in a Western society where such boundaries are no longer well guarded. People want to choose their life style in relationships and not necessarily to follow the wisdom of the past. They wish far greater freedom in taking sexual partners. Marriage is often set aside. In the eyes of many nations of the world this is not progress but disaster.

The breakdown of marriage faithfulness and the loss of its exclusive sexual sign are inseparably linked. We shall not be able to restore the stability of marriage without recapturing the exclusiveness of its symbol. As Melanie Phillips recently wrote:

'Marriage places a public constraint on sexual impulses for the good of others and the wider society. Without such a chain on the appetite, society becomes an amoral jungle of competing, selfish interests trampling each other down.

Yet this is precisely what is happening across the whole spectrum of sexual relationships and family life. More and more people see marriage not as a sacred means of creating kinship, but merely as a love affair with a handy set of rights attached.

The Church rule (against sex outside marriage) is crucial, because marriage is only upheld by taboos on sexuality outside its confines. The progressive removal of all those taboos is what has brought marriage to its current enfeebled state.' (Daily Mail: June 30th)

Marriage is vital for the stability of society. It gives a clear basis for lasting family structures. It provides a secure place for children to grow up. Marriage break-up seriously hurts many children; as adults they are more likely to be afraid of lasting commitment in relationships.
They have no sound model to follow.

Marriage is about learning to delight in your spouse's character and gifts. It is about acceptance and forgiveness. If the purpose of our God-given life is to learn to love; then, marriage is a life-time's adventure in love-learning. All that those with godly faith can take with us when we die - is the love we have learnt.

If this argument is sound, then, as well as vigorously promoting the importance of marriage we need to guard the place of its sexual sign as within marriage. This is the long standing Christian tradition and held joyfully by most Christians world-wide.

+Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle