Bishop's letters: October 03 +Graham The Importance of Family Meals

In recent years restaurants have seen a growth in business signalling a welcome trend towards the pleasure of taking meals together.

By contrast, however, the practice of family meals is not in good shape. Breakfast is rarely taken together as a family. Children are grabbing a bite before running for the bus or the drive to school. One or other parent is off early to work in our overworking and stressful society. (We work the longest hours in Europe).

Lunch is out. Instead of relaxed lunch breaks with colleagues and proper relaxation, a quick sandwich is eaten before returning to work.

Sadly, even the evening meal is suffering. The demands of watching a particular TV programme or internet chat have squeezed out the time when the family talk together, run through the events of the day and strengthen their relationships. There is a desperate need to recreate family meal times.

Why? Because all civilisations have focussed on meals as the centre of social interaction. In unhurried meal times people share what they think and learn from those around them. They grow in confidence and social skills. At meals people find their identity in who they are and what they believe. It is so important. From the beginning of the Church, believers celebrated the presence of Jesus with them at a meal together.

In a healthy family, conversation flourishes at meal times. Everyone's contribution is valued; no one is put down. At meal times we learn manners and courtesy. We take an interest in each other's lives. We laugh a lot. Social skills are developed. Invitations to the children's friends teaches the art of hospitality, specifically commended in the Bible. At meals good parents model to their children healthy attitudes and kind behaviour. It is good to remember God at meal times with a simple grace. Family members can take it in turns to say the prayer.

Several recent reports give us cause for alarm. It is said that teenagers no longer have the social skills they once had. Very recently we were told that more children are starting school unable to accept discipline or to hold a knife and fork. This indicates that something is going wrong in the development of social skills in the family situation. Good family meal times will help to grow healthy behaviour.

I strongly encourage parents to try to plan for at least one good family meal time each day, probably at tea time or early evening time. At the weekend there is the opportunity for a longer time, perhaps with guests and certainly with plenty of time, to talk, laugh and share life together.

Graham Dow,
Bishop of Carlisle