Bishop's letters: October 04 +Graham Does it Matter What I do in Private?
Almost any day we can read in the papers of the breakdown of faithful family morality amongst prominent leaders in our society. Most recently we have had revealed to us the private lives of a cabinet minister and of the manager of the England football team. Accompanying this we hear the chorus that ‘what a public figure does in private is entirely their own business.’ It has no relevance to their competence in their public role, or so we are led to believe.
Yet there is unease about this answer, and that unease is well founded. The separation of public and private behaviour needs the strongest challenge. If politicians can’t be trusted to tell the truth to their husbands or wives, how can they be trusted to tell the truth to us? How can someone in the public eye who is not faithful to family relationships help the country to maintain those very values which are vital for a healthy society? They can’t. If we seek a stable and healthy society, based on marital and family stability, then it matters what people do in private.
The argument becomes more convincing if we pause to consider the consequences of the erosion of faithful permanent marital relationships in our society. What are the consequences? Firstly, in Britain we have the highest rate of teenage pregnancies in Europe. Secondly, we have a great many single parent families. In most cases that single parent carries all the burden of child nurture, often with insufficient income; and the children lack good and balanced male and female role models. Thirdly, where family commitment and stability break down, parenting is poorer, children are less secure; they do less well at school and are more likely to find their way into drugs and crime.
All these problems are increasing in a world where choice and personal fulfilment are the prevailing values instead of duty, commitment and faithfulness. Of course, there are times when separation has to happen, but in the extent of the breakdown today there seems to be a large measure of selfishness. Do people give enough thought to how their actions may damage their children and affect the society around us?
All these problems are well-known. Counselling and other strategies are put in place and are useful as far as they go. But to tackle the problems at their roots calls for a return to the ways of God, the morality well tested over the years.
And that leads to the question of how God sees our behaviour. For him there is no divide between public and private morality. All our behaviour has to be right, and he calls us to account for what we do and its consequences. He sees and knows everything. Affairs (or adultery), the Bible repeatedly says, are wrong.
God is quick to forgive, when we are sorry. But the real need in our society is to return to acknowledging him and his wisdom.
Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle
